bla bla bla

crack here n there!!! sigh.....

wish i could go back time...alalalalalalala....

alhamdulillah...abah smaken sehat...tp xleh keje berat sgt tho....akan ttp...apekan daye juge...da name nye org senior...sume nak buat sdiri....cume mampu mendoakan kesihatan abah jek....

torrent of stupid things dok bemaen dlm otak neh.......i dunno y my tears streaming jek turun mase tuh.....n lucky jeedah was there 4 me...juz her ears enough to make me feel at ease....tp cite yg sbenanye....xleh nak aku kuakan jugak...even to anyone...hny pd Allah aku beserah...sum said it was bcoz of c bunguks itu...akan ttp tdk yea.....not everything in my related ngan c bunguks.....

tp agak saket sjak mule berbaek ngan die...not in "deep rship" la....juz kwn2 jek....trase ade yg missing...whether i still mad at him...or still hate him.....aku neh manusie biase jek kan....

sigh.......mengeluh jek keje aku....spt tdk tau besyukur dgn nkmat yg ade.......tmbhkan ibadah wahai hani!!!!

lost again.....

how i wish dat time could passes by....huhu......

so many things stuck on my head........arguing with myself is not advisable!! leh jd gile!!!!!!!! when i was so determined to do on my way.....my decision.....on my risk etc......god still not on my side...ade jek pekare2 yg halang...tho it's not sesuatu perkare yg bagus....n dose rasenye.....it;s a bit dissapointing...i know i should redha with things happened around me...tp buat aku jd bkn aku.......dear Allah....help me to get trough all this....

jgn jdkan aku hambaMu yg kufur ya Allah.......yg dehake.....yg sesat......nauzubillah.....

i made stupid decision...studpid mistakes.....oh..stupid me.......tp ke face it juge at d end...

rite now......i'm doing things dat i hv no passion in it.....juz to satisfy others......

suck !!!

stlh skian lame...

last i checked my post was on 4th oct....agak lame la kan..berbandeng sblmnye yg agak rajen mengupdate blog....so...saje nak update..

kucar kacer dlm idop tatkale allah nak uji hambanye.....aku yg lemah lagek hine.....mampu beserah smoge allah kuatkan aku....aku seda ujian neh dtg sbb diri aku gak...

aku br saje mmbuat kputusan mmbiarkan satu subjek fail....so..i have to repeat that subjek nxt semester.....i told emak bout my situation....hope she'll understand....i haven't receive any respond frm her....dats frightening me d most.....

abah.....lgsg xtau wut had happened....about company...about those people yg biadap n sdkt lahanat....n of coz about me......after d tragedy happened onto him......we try to reserves as much as we can....

kesakitan perot menjd2.....last thursday i went for my med check up.....borak ngan doc....nape aku dpt doc pompuan lak......byk doc laki yg comey....sgt hampe pd ktk itu...btw....doc tny..wheter my life ade involve ngan any stressful situation or not.....of coz......i'm in deep stress rite now......byk symptom stress menular....hair loss.....stomach ache.....stiffness on my shoulder n neck.....lagek hape eh.....dsb.....kdg2...time bwk keter...i lost my direction....can't focus where i was heading to.....bhy neh....aku mati xpe...jgn keter abah aku rosak..ssh die nnt...

pemikiran mengenai beliau pon x dpt dielakkan........

last sunday...actually started on dat thursday...way before.....since jumpe beliau kembali...agak sukar menjalani kehidupan spt biase.....hopefully he lives his life in a way he wishes for......xnk tny beliau lebey2...takot jd laen....but..lynkan prasaan jek ngan lagu2 colbie caillat yg br...i nvr told u.....n begin again.....huh....slhke aku dok memikirkan beliau....sungguh pathetic hambamu ini ya allah.....

this saturday...ade xm...dunno wheter i should attend yg satu tuh...da la aku x anto 1 asgm pon...so...wut for kan..fail gak......my brother will hunts me down all my life onwards.....kate2 yg kua dr mulut mrk...sgt pedey.....tp yg sorg tuh x penah phm....bcoz he was born with higher IQ than we both were.....he's d smartest.....he's d hope of d family....he's d sunlight....he's always "right".....

i read an article from a mag...aku lupe mag ape...mase tuh kat clinic ke mane ntah.....about how hard we wants to focus on sumthing if we have problem n distracted by major things....yet minor to sum people....different person living a different path......i'm d one dat still confuse wit things stuck in her head........

mengapekah...........

ohhhh....
mngapekah......byk esaimen x siap..need to be completed within 2 weeks.....mampos!!!!! tuh la...mase senggang...byk time....xnk buat...padan muke anda wahai hani......

skarang.....brla tau langet tinggi rendah

adey....

last 2 weeks x silap aku.....berterime kaseh pd cik sarah krn berjaye tlg aku mendeletekan sume msg2 beliau yg x sepatutnye....tepon tuh pon bangang...patutnye nak dlete pon x perlu la view msg tuh..delete jek la teros kannnnn....xde la perlu aku sshkan org laen.....

then..last few days...x hengat ari ape....tepon aku lak men gile...tepon ramai org temasok la bliau...hampeh jek...perluke????

lalu aku amek keputusan...delete his number permenantly....habeh cite...otak aku pon x serabut tgk name die bile browse nak cr number org..tenampak name die ade skali......saket hati rsnyeeeeee.......oh mengape jd begini wahai hani.....

sungguh miserable idop anda...pandai jek nasehat org...dri sdiri pon hampeh....at least....i should give a compliment to myself....sbb x buat mende yg rather jauh lebey bodow.....maseh waras utk bertindak......maseh sygkan diri ini........ iaitu......berserah dan kembali kpd Allah....sume ats kehendakNya......klu kte xmampu trime ujian yg diberi pon..haruslah kembali kpdNya.....

mudah2an kte memperoleh keberkatan dlm idop....

al feninun....

xtau nak coretkan ape...

juz sdkt ttg ape yg terjd semlm sket n arinih sket....

last nite...around 1 am ke 2 am ntah... couldn't sleep...mcm hape ntah...suddenly all past memories played dlm pale otak neh...sgt ssh la camneh...then i texted ecah...asked her about "raye msg" from beliau.....die x dpt upenye..but name die included dlm list yg disebutkan di dlm msg tsbt..maybe ter missed la kot...then....torrent of tears tbe2 jek kua ble ecah reply msg aku....sgt terharu dgn kate2 ecah...xsangke die leh berkate demikian...i was thaught she'll responding differently....alhamdulillah....tp....kate2nye sgt meruntun jiwe....wish d situation is way better than ape yg dsangke n terjadi...but i'll never set a mountain of hope again...sigh..

today/tonite....

d whole day spent dgn mmbersihkan umah mane yg patut.....abah tahan tinge jek la kne basi2 ngan kitorg..n menahan mate melihat byk brg yg perlu dibuang...nak buat camne...kesan drp kehidupan beliau sms kecil menjadikn beliau sgt syg pd sume bende yg ade....umah da mcm store da....

then pd sblah mlmnye...jiwe sy meronte utk klua menghirup udare mlm....hukhuk....mmg ade hajat sbenanye...2 pkr!!! 1 tuh tepakse ditangguhkan sbb x cukup kroni....xdpt dilaksanekan....so mmberi pluang kpd sarah berjumpe dgn suami tersyg....heeeeeeee

decided kua ngan jidah instead.....lucky die free...oo yeah!! syg plak ecah xde...mencari nafkah buat kuarge....hehe......aku pleaded jidah bykkkk kali utk tlg aku...bende mudah jek....delete all my msgs yg tertere name beliau.....sudah tdk mau menyimpan lagek....jidah plak x sanggup....klu aku kuat aku da buat sdiri...tp klu aku terbace msg2 tuh...mslh akan memkn diri.....jidah kate syg nk delete....nak buat hape syg.......pkr yg tlh berlalu biarkan....yg akan dtg...biarkan dtg sdiri dgn pkr2 baru plak.....slagek msg2 bunguks tuh ade.....spt menyimpan harapan utk kembali.....xmau sume tuh...sgt menyakitkan hati.....tensi rasenye...sob...hope sara leh buat pasneh....xthn lagek rsnyeee

oh.....asgmnt maseh byk tertangguh...malas utk melakukannye....kdgkale terbit d hati utk membiarkan diri mengambilnye smule pd smester hdpn!!!!!bagaimanakah!!!! isk.......

slmt hari raye...

selamat hari raye!!! maap zahir batin!!!!

tatkale mencoretkan mende neh....aku lom agik blk kg..dok tunggu abgku yg sorg tuh pulang dr keje nye....huk..lame sungguh kekandaku ini...bonda juga sabar menanti....

saat neh...msg bertalu2 masok org dok ucap slmt hari raye...temasokle msg beliau.....subhanallah.......mmg Allah tunjukkan kuasaNya...atas kehendakNya juge.....termakbul doa aku slame neh..Alhamdulillah..syukur x terhingge.....mmg le b4 this die ade msg...tp kali laen sket......beliau merendahkan diri beliau n mintak maap pd aku n rakan2...menyedari ats kesilapan diri beliau....beliau ade mention..Allah byr cash kat dunie..sbb idop beliau x tenteram....wallahua'lam....andai benar katenye.....mmg Allah dgr n makbulkan doa aku........masya Allah.....

aku leh jek let things go...xde masalah..tp sume tuh kne ade usehe dr 2 belah pihak...aku xnk kwn2 aku bermusuh dgn beliau lame2....wut for?? diorg bekwn elok jek sblm neh....jgn krn aku things jd huru hare n berantakan....rase beslh sbenanye..

tp aku rs besyukur sgt...xtau nak gambarkan camne....smoge doa2ku yg laen juge dimakbulkan Allah........aku nak kwn aku yg sorg tuh kembali ke keluargenye...InsyaAllah....klu ramai lagek yg bersungguh doa....rasenye Allah akan makbulkan jugak...cpat ngan lambat jek...Allah nak uji hambaNya...Allah maha mengetahui ape yg tlh dirancangNya......

oh mengapekah....

i miss d four of us......can we still be together again like we used to be....

it's hard when life begins to ruin u without prior notice.....it's all because u've been blinded by d fake beauty n promises of happiness....pity u n ur family....

we tried our best to help....we saw d outcome since we are not influenced by d "lahanat"....tears keeps coming down on my cheeks as i recall d "status" that keeps on updated by time....it's not like we want to become "busybody" or harassing ur life......if not because of a mother that pleaded us to involve....we are rather not to bother u or even stay close to any of these stupid matters....

u r so bright n intelligent woman....u pretty n adorable as any man that u could find better.....this is what people always say.... "cinte itu bute"....

n suddenly...i kinda miss my "info-traffic" since i havent received that info since yday....oh y this weird feeling appears when i could continue my life as i should be....

may allah bestows taufiq n hidayah upon us....guiding us....n grant us d paradise.... amin...