bile kebuntuan

assalam..

entry neh..agak jiwekacau...as usual..kepale pening camne nak terus terang ngan org tua...people said that d youngest of d fmly sng nak dpt ape aje..nak luah ape aje..etc

i guess...i'm excluded...sejak kecik...bkn sume bende aku share ngan parents...xnk diorg risau n semakkan kepale ..of coz la segale kenakalan aku pon aku sorokkan..kene bantai ngan cikgu pon xpenah cite..for sure kene blk ngan parents..sape soh p buat onar kat skolah..(tp bdk2 skang da laen..cikgu takot diorg)...n x semua benda aku leh dpt dgn mudah...

berbalek motip sbena entry kali neh..mcm mane nak terus terang dgn parents..on current situation...previous situation pon payah nak cite...dah terdesak br tekeluar...haha

hari demi hari...mcm2 petande baru Allah tunjukkan...wpon saket setiap kalinye...maybe itulah yg terbaek...

stiap kali tatap wajah parents...ya Allah...berikan ku rezeki dan kekuatan utk menjage dan membalas jase keduenye...wajah2 tua itu tlh byk mengerah tenage utk membesar & mendidik aku...tdk semua keluarge itu sempurne...tp kami cuba menyempurnakannye...

acapkali dgr lagu maher zain.."number one for me"...sgt meruntun jiwe ini...terlalu byk dosa telah kutaburkan buat mereka... -_-

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it's april...

huwaaa...april sudaa...my last post was on february...hmm..it's been a while oledi since my last post...tuh pon td sbb tgk "gen21" kat al-hijrah....psl bloggers..then suddenly teringat blog sendiri yg lame x singgah...well..dey olls sume siap add nuffnang bagai to expand followers..mine..nvr bother pon brape ramai..huhu....just a medium for me to express what i hv inside kepale serabot neh tru writing...typing to be precise... ;)

slame mane aku telah "tinggalkan" laman neh...lebey lame lagek kekacauan yg bersarang d minda sbenanye...

last week...i'm officially bujang kembali..huhuuuuu...takdir Allah telah atur aku...mmg ade hikmahnye..n i can see it clearly one by one...ramai org yg soh kawen awal bagai..well peeps...different people will walk in trough different journey of life...don't aspect my life or other people's life will walk d same path as yours..if Allah destined your life to get married in earlier age as such...just be grateful for that...takyah bising tanye nape bagai...ko nak sponsor ke?huh..itu adlh soklan berserte amarah...padehal ade yg betol2 concern....maaf..darah mude katekan...peace!!

it's maybe d best decision for both of us...as both have "things" to settle dulu..huuuu...it torn my hearts bit by bit tho...can't deny that...prasaan yg hadir itu ikhlas....dan bukan mudah utk dtg sendiri...hukhuk....to recover from my last rship pon agak saket...kene agresif pnye teknik aku hamek...this time..belom tau lagek teknik ape yg sesuai..since the way it was end pon different...huh...even harder this time...

apr 15th..date dat i always remember..d date it was all started..hmm...hopefully managed to overcome situasi yg x best neh....dun like it at all...leh x kalau juz throw this feeling simply away...huhuuuu...pray everyday for that...insyaAllah....

hmmm...d sampeng itu...kepelbagaian perkare laen berkaitan kerjaye n peribadi sgt melemaskan....sampai tahap..."benci keje ngan pompuan"...duh...hani..sile cermin sket jantina anda tuh ape??huhuuuuu...mencik....harus blaja utk trime semue neh....ohhhh...

hani..stop whining....

i'm done...

DOA UNTUK KEKASIH

Ya Allah.... Seandainya telah engkau catatkan... Dia milikku tercipta buatku... Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku... Titipkanlah kebahagian antara kami.... agar kemesraan itu abadi... Dan ya Allah... ya tuhanku yang maha mengasihi... Seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini... Ketepian yang sejahtera dan abadi...

Tetapi ya Allah... Seandainya telah engkau takdirkan.... dia bukan miliku... Bawalah ia jauh dari pandanganku.... Luputkanlah ia dari ingatanku... Dan peliharalah aku dari kekecewaan....

Serta ya Allah ya tuhanku yang maha mengerti.... Berikanlah aku kekuatan... Melontar bayangannya jauh ke dada langit... Hilang bersama senja nan merah.. agarku bisa bahagia... Walaupun tanpa bersama dengannya...

Dan ya Allah yang tercinta... Gantillah yang telah hilang.... Tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah... Walaupun tidak sama dengan dirinya...

Ya Allah ya tuhanku... Pasrahkanlah aku dengan takdirmu... Sesungguhnya apa yang telah engkau takdirkan... Adalah yang terbaik buat ku.... kerana engkau maha mengetahui... Segala yang terbaik buat hamba Mu ini...

Ya Allah... Cukuplah engkau sahaja yang menjadi pemeliharaku... Di dunia dan di akhirat... Dengarlah rintihan dari hamba Mu yang daif ini... Jangan engkau biarkan aku sendirian... Di dunia ini mahupun di akhirat... Menjuruskan aku kearah kemaksiatan dan kemungkaran... Maka kurniakanlah aku seorang pasangan yang beriman... Supaya aku dan dia sama2 dapat membina Kesejahteraan hidup... Ke jalan yang Engkau redhai... dan kurniakanlah padaku keturunan yang soleh....

Amin.. Ya Rabbal A'lamin. .

Hati ini diuji lagek..

Subhanallah.....Allah uji aku lagek dgn ujian yg hampir same....

saat aku terbang tinggi d langet biru....aku terhempas ke tanah balek...ade hikmah di sebaleknye...insya Allah.. Allah nak ingatkan aku....byk perkare...

ade certain things i dare to say...certain things i don't even hv guts to tell...it's hard for me to let things out of my chest....and if that has become the biggest crime...i accept....

torrent of tears everyday...each time aftr solah....Alhamdulillah...lesser as time flies.....

ya Allah..aku kembalikan ujianMu ini kpd Mu......

i've survived this twice......i'm sure dat i'll b managed to get tru this for another time...hopefully it'll b d last....

if this is what i get for my honest mistakes....redha ngan ketentuanMu ya Allah...

credit to my friend...amalina...pinjam sat..kepale xde idea...

.. maybe, one day you would understand.
but i just don't know when.

and maybe, one day you would see.
that nobody loves you like me.

CNY

gong xi fa cai...

huhu..dpt la merase cuti 4 hari sepene CNY...tp cam biase...cuti ke x...penoh jek jadual aku dr pg smpi mlm..sume krn menjage hati insan2 sekeliling,,permudahkanlah urusanku yaAllah....

hmm...not a happy moment for me indeed...things happened beyond expectation...nvr thought..a "simple" sentence could caused self heartache...hukhukhuk...menyesal..apekan daye..terlajak perahu boley diundur..tlajak kate...padan la muke...doa saje yg mampu kulakukan...bersame linangan airmate... *bajet ayat dm novel...


xtau nak post ape lagek...billions idea running in my head to write...tp apekan daye...perlu la ade penapisan pnceritaan..since i'm doing this openly...few things better be sealed...huhu....

nite...

welcome 2012

1st entry of d year...bit late...but who cares...

1st jan 2012...abah's 63th bday..alhamdulillah....Allah lanjut usie abah hingge ke akhir ini....celebration?none...tp present ade...hehe...our family sgt la simple..tho we rarely celebrate bday...but we do gather on other family occasion...

present untok abah??ngee..henpon baru..sian henpon lame abah da rosak...cepat benor off nye..difficult to reach abah...so..bonda n us..decided utk kumpol duet...beli abah henpon baru...at 1st..mak nak masok saham gak..tp rasenye xyah le...bior le kami adek bradek yg settle kan...Alhamdulillah..bayan made sum research mane yg seswai ngan abah(considered his age and capability and necessity of coz)....

touch screen..mengikuti perkembangan teknologi semase la kan...day b4 his bday...bayan da p beli...so ptg tuh...bayan mintak henpon abah yg lame,..kate nak repair...hehe...walhal..kami adek badek..transfer all contacts n info dr yg older fon ke new fon...ngeh..sume kasi setting baek punye...

once we're done....turun jek..bayan bg blk henpon abah..."nah abah..siap da fon abah"...abah took a look kat henpon tuh..."eh...neh bukan abah punye neh!!"...seraye abah berkate....

bayan.."bukan ek?ok lah...skang neh henpon abah".....kami yg di sekeliling lalu berkate ngan volume yg agak kuat..."hepi bday abah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

abah smiled...dgn reaction yg terkejot....hehe...moment yg best...

prior new year.....

few days sblm nak masok 2012...took 2 days off...heheh..igt bos jek nak best2 becoti?? xaci la kan...accompanied beliau mencari barangan adek beliau.....went well until.....jeng jeng jeng.....bertemu ngan 1st crush!!! oh demmm

apekah petanda ini semua???of all people dlm msia neh? nape kene jumpe die..?of coz la...die pon agak tekujat jumpe aku..nvr aspect me in dat situation maybe..i introduced them...they've met..salam bersalaman lagek.."ini kwn skolah dulu"....huh...sesuatu petanda Allah nak tunjukkan...i hv to let things go 4 other things dat i've decided to pursue....yes..

few things happened this past few days..good n bad...wpon belom cukop sebln menjengah 2012...hard 2 share here...too personal...hv to reserve few things...

same mistakes...over n over again...

read on an article via internet last week..can't remember d url address..n which site..it mentioned on how people always stuck at d same mistakes over n over again...good to be read by all..unfortunately..xdpt nak cari blk article tuh..search jek la sendiri..skang sume kat ujung jari...

it was a good article i must say..good for self note..hoping dat i will not do d same mistakes (yg mane sedar la)...briefly...it talks about how people got stuck wit d wrong people...wrong job..wrong decision making..n wrong finance management!!

huwaaa...sume nye mcm menepek kat muke..wrong people tuh..maybe because we r too attach wit dat person..n we found dat is hard nak take any action utk beladiri etc..kan kan kan..wut if we might hurt them back..without knowing dat we are d one dats being hurt...this is too subjective..depends on d relationship....bak kate ustzh norbayah...ape pon..doa..doa...doa..n teruskan berdoa....bak kate dr muhaya plak..kalau kite jahat..Allah akan temukan kite ngan org jahat gak..n kalau kite baek..Allah akan temukan kite ngan org2 baek jgak n elakkan kite drpd bertemu ngan org2 jahat neh..

wrong job..ha...sendiri kene menilai le camne interest diri tuh kan..either u want to learn how 2 enjoy doing ur work..or put ur whole effort to find another job...dont blame urself 4 sumthing dat u dont want to do..n of course..dat comes with luck too..nak seribu daye..xnk seribu dalih..

wrong finance management...hmm..sgt byk berlaku amongst my friends n of coz..i'm included!! too many irresistible temptations d pasaran skang neh..ngan asakan kehidupan yg menyogok utk semue org berblanje sakan..org laen ade neh...kite pon nak ade neh..pantang tgk mende baru..org neh enjoy mcm neh..kite pon nak enjoy camneh...lupe nak ukur baju kat bdn sdiri...at the end..sendiri tanggung beban...aiyak..mane nak korek duet neh..tabungan pon da maken kering...so..tgk aje la mane2 yg baru tuh..cuci mate jek la yg boleynye...

wrong decision making..of all these points stated above...adlh bersangkut paut dgn decision making..YES...ape yg jd adlh dsbbkan pilihan kte..we decide our own ending story..kdgkale kite x pasan kite made mistakes..but people around us saw wut happend on us..n when they try nak betau dgn jujurnye..well..ego mengatasi sgalenye..sbg manusie..kite sendiri ssh nak ditegur...n then kte akan cr plak slh org tuh.."ko pehal lak nak nasehat aku..ko sdiri pon x betol"........"oh nona2..zmn sekarang..tak boleh di tegor..tak boleh dilarang"...tetibe teringat lagu dolu2 neh..by r. azmi kot..ntah..x hengat..wish i can quote sebijik2 ayat ust azhar idrus regarding this..tp lupe nak record lak..aiyak! dats d reason y we keep on making d same mistakes jdnye...sbb..bile org laen remind..kite tolak mentah2...siap marah lagek..sape yg slh??sudahnye..sape yg susah...???org yg tegor kite ke yg ssh??tepat!! mmg org tuh yg ssh..sbb die ssh2 jek nak tegor kte..kte yg xnk amek peduli.. -_-

wrong ape lagek ek....?ntah ar...lupe da....isk...yg penting kene muhasabah diri n teruskan beristiqamah...jgn letakkan slh pd org laen..cermin diri dulu..rase x cukop cermin tuh..g kedai cermin..nak yg free..g jusco pon ade cermin besar!!!

last monday...ust azhar idrus ade dtg berceramah kt menara TM...huwaa...mengambil kesempatan ats kehadiran beliau..punye la ramai yg nak bersalaman ngan beliau..sume tuh tau nak rebot pahale tgk wajah org alim..mmg bergune..peruntukan mase 1jm stgh tuh dirasekan mcm baru 30 min berlalu...gelak2 tuh..gelak jugak...tp ilmu tuh sumenye manfaat...style la ustaz...